Thursday, April 17, 2014

Button Boy

Isn't it funny how things turn out?  When my mother was expecting my youngest brother, Elijah, I had mixed feelings.  When my parents first told me that we had another sibling on the way, I was shocked.  I did what I usually do when  I'm shocked, nervous, or angry; I cried.  Then as time went on, I started to think.  For firsts, I HATE change (funny since we usually move every five years and usually it's out of the country)  then I am the middle child and the quietest.  My other two siblings demand a lot more attention than I do, resulting in myself generally getting accidentally overlooked. Then it was a tough time for me spiritually.  Yes, I was giving God the silent treatment.  I had a lot of pent up anger, I kinda took it out on this unborn baby.   Then Elijah Luke was born.  I fell in love with the tiny button-like face (I do call him my "button boy")  He has a really good temperament,  resulting in my liking him more.  I tend to easily "lose it" with fussy infants around.  Then he absolutely adores all of us.  He loves the time he spends with each of us.

He is probably now one of my favorite kids on earth!  He was the one who melted all the stoniness and anger in me.  Often when people asked me (when my mother was still pregnant) if I was excited I felt cornered.  What was I supposed to say?  "No. I'm not.  God and I are not speaking, I'm angry about having to change churches, my friend leaving, and God seeming to ignore me.  I'm taking it out on this little guy."  So I made up something like, "Uh, well, uh....I haven't really, uh, thought about it."  If I ever said that to you (can't remember everyone I did it to) please know that I was just one hurt and crying person on the inside.  

This little boy has also opened up some emotional scars that I had forgotten about, rather, I blocked them from my mind.  That hasn't been easy, but it has been good for me.  Yes, I have been scarred and those scars have been opened up again, but maybe that was a good thing.  I am so thankful  for my "Button Boy"!

My Button Boy 
Two very different faces 

Just plain tuckered out
Boy Meets Dog 
Sleeping Beauty 

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